Commit-whaaaaat?

commitaphobe. someone who is afraid to commit to a relationship.

Recently it seems, I’ve been placed in a position of reflection. Every incident, every question, every action, seems to point that-a-way and I can’t say I know the answer myself. This is not a post that will present an answer. This is not a post that will lead to an answer. This is a post that will serve as a marker, for the day that I will arrive at the answers.

Incidents. Let’s just do 5. I started with 10 and that’s just too much to share. Too personal.:

1 encounter with a girl.

2 incidents of infidelity which will be taken to the grave.

3 direct queries on whether I have issues with commitment.

4 closing years of singlehood.

more than 5 queries on singlehood status since the start of 2012. All of ’em guys, all of ’em with the same leading question and comment. Why? I don’t believe it. Well believe it.

Questions so tough I had no words for:

#1: What would you do to express interest in your target? In my head: Nothing. I’ve never had to do anything.

#2: What would you do if you fell in love and really wanted to keep your interest interested? In my head: Nothing. Do I really need to do anything? If you have to try, its over right?

You have never been in love – First of the Gang to Die, Morrissey

It almost seems like the universe is conspiring to make me dig deep and reflect. Every incident, every question, a probe for me to answer to no one but myself but I’ve been flirting with it. A light step here, a balancing act there and the tight rope walk remains intact. Now, that tight rope is threatening to unravel, the challenge immense but I haven’t a solution, an alternative nor an answer. I admit, I may not be ready to face the symphony just yet and when I chanced upon this post by someone I once had an encounter with, I wonder, when I’ll be ready to face my orchestra.

I lift and give in full credit to the author whom I can’t link here.

Let’s Play A Game

I heard you’re a player.

So let’s play a game.

Let’s sweet talk. Let’s play fight. Let’s talk 24/7.

Let’s tell each other good morning & good night every day.

Let’s take walks together.

Let’s give each other nicknames.

Let’s hang out with each other’s friends.

Let’s go on dates.

Let’s talk on the phone all night long.

Let’s hold each other.

Let’s kiss & hug.

And whoever falls in love first?
Loses.

Beautiful. Poignant. Real. Have you chanced upon a piece not penned by your hand but speaks to your very soul? I found it in this piece of writing. Better yet, it pays tribute to my all time favorite flick – Saw. What can I say. It’s time for some reflection.